


Blue

by carriedawayfromhome



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 18:56:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20935124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carriedawayfromhome/pseuds/carriedawayfromhome
Summary: Blue; a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.





	Blue

You feel the tension in the air thicken as the door to your apartment opens and closes, a tired and overall exhausted looking Calum trudges through the kitchen, dumping his belongings onto the floor no words being spoken. You watch him from your spot on the couch, book half read now abandoned next to you, your feet planted on the ground ready if you need to jump up to him. 

His expression is vacant, his eyes show no light as he walks around your apartment. As if on autopilot he goes to the fridge to grab what seems to be a half finished beer, downing it quickly before closing the fridge, letting his forehead rest against the cool white surface. This is your cue, you jump up and walk over to him, his back facing towards you as you slowly and quietly let your body envelop him, your hands snaking around his waist to rest there.

You always hope that he can feel the love you’re trying to give him, words have never been either your strong points, you try to show your love for people with affection and touch. He tenses initially but relaxes into your hold, his own hands coming up to rest on your hands, fingers interlocking. You stay there for a moment, letting him match his breathing to yours, letting him know that you are there.

This isn’t a new situation for Calum, his liveliness has started to fade over the last few months, at first it was gradual, it started with less enthusiasm for going out, no interest in your usual day to day traditions and overall being less affectionate towards you. You let it slide, everyone has their bad days, their bad weeks even, but it’s now coming up to four months of Calum’s every ounce of his entity sliding away. You spoke with him, of course you did, he brushed you off, explaining that he’s tired from rehearsing, doing promos and interviews.

But as the days went by his shoulders slumped more, his eyes got darker and his heart got sadder. You knew his job was hard, there was no off moments for him, being a musician was a constant flurry of meeting new people, plastering a smile on your face all the time and not letting anyone down, no matter what. He tries not to show it, you can see that, him trying his hardest to hide his feelings from you, but you see right through that mask he has put on, the act he’s trying so hard to play.

“Sweetheart,” You whisper into his back, eyes looking up to his bleached buzzed hair, his forehead still pressed against the fridge, “How are you feeling today?”

“Fine.” Comes a small, quiet reply from the man in front of you, his hands giving your’s a squeeze.

You clutch on to him harder, wanting nothing more than to push every ounce of happiness you have in you into Calum, you would pay millions if someone, somehow could extract every piece of love, happiness and optimism from your veins, injecting it into Calum’s blood, letting it seep into his every crevice, filling him with everything he needs. You would give him the universe if you could, you would throw a lasso around the moon and give it to him, just like in It’s A Wonderful World.

You’re suddenly pushed back as Calum stands up straight, still facing away from you he picks up a bag you noticed he had dropped earlier when he had trudged into the kitchen. He turns to face you, hand coming up to cup your cheek, thumb grazing your skin, a sigh warily escaping your mouth, your eyes never leaving his.

“Love you.” He whispers almost inaudibly against the sound of your heart in your ears. He walks around you, heading straight for the bedroom, the soft click of the door exhaling against the walls, leaving you alone in the rest of the apartment.

You leave him be, you know that he needs this time to himself everyday. You sometimes wish he would just let it out though, you would love nothing more than for him to just let it consume him for a moment, let this overwhelming sorrow inside him flow up and over his head, out onto the floor, where you would happily spend hours picking up the pieces for him.

Unfortunately for you though he’s never been one to overly show his feelings, always pushing every unnecessary feeling as far down as it would go, hiding it away from himself and the people around him, including you. You knew eventually this would come back to bite him, you tried to lessen the blow by letting him know he is allowed to express how he is feeling however he wants and he would always nod at you, smiling that smile that would make your stomach flip and with a quick kiss on the cheek, the moment would be gone.

After about thirty minutes since Calum left you, you hear the bathroom shower turn on and you decide now is a better time than any to start cooking some dinner, hopefully Calum will feel up to eating today. You assemble and start to prepare a meal, stir fry was the first thing to pop into your head and really you’re not feeling up to preparing anything fancy tonight.

You hear the shower finally turn off and the familiar sound of Calum rummaging around for his clothes follows and then silence. You always hope that he will emerge from your room every time he disappears into there and eight out of ten times does, those other times, well, you just let him know dinner is ready whenever he is.

You sigh happily when you hear the bedroom door open, your back towards the sound of Calum’s steps padding along the wooden floor down the hall to where you are standing.

“Cal, dinner will be ready in five, I’ve made stir fry tonight.”

You hear a croaky _okay _come from behind you and you turn briefly to give him a smile when you stop in your tracks, dropping the wooden spoon you were using to stir the cooked vegetables.

Your eyes rake over your boyfriends appearance. Where there was once a buzzed bleached blonde hair style is now blue, the bright colour standing out against his warm olive skin, a stark contrast from his previous pale hue. You don’t know what to say as your eyes dart between his eyes and his very new hair colour. You now understand what was taking him so long in the bathroom.

The silence is slightly suffocating as neither of you say a word, but you watch intently as Calum’s lip ever so slightly begins to tremble underneath your stare, his eyebrows pulling in together slowly and his hands coming to hold each other in an embrace in front of his torso.

You take a few hesitant steps towards him, feeling the overwhelming sense that something is about to break, just like the feeling of static electricity before lightning strikes. And just before that lightning does strike, the thunder booms and the rain starts to fall and without hesitation you run around the kitchen island, the only thing separating you and the person who holds your heart. You capture Calum in your embrace as his knees buckle and he falls into you as you both descend to the floor, Calum’s long awaited tears flowing freely into your shirt.

His sobs fill the room as he buries his head into your chest, his hands gripping almost painfully so onto your arms, your own silent tears streaming down your face. You hold him as close as he can possibly get, if you could enclose him into you, mould him into your own skin and blood you would, maybe then you could hold some of the pain he feels. 

You have no idea how long it’s been, the vegetables have burnt to a crisp, long forgotten on the stove top. Calum has quieted down, now only an occasionally sharp intake of breath or hiccup is all that comes from the man now resting in your lap, both still situated on the kitchen floor. You close your eyes, the stinging sensation easing as your lids meet, your hands are absentmindedly running through the newly melancholy colour, a light tinge leaving marks on your fingertips.

“I’ve never known how to say how I feel,” His croaky voice breaks through the silence in the room, “So I thought I would show you.”

You nod even though he can’t see you. He couldn’t find the words to express his pain so he laid it out for you on a silver platter.

Blue. Disconsolate. Dejected. Depressed. Fearful. _Sad._

You feel the the words etch their way into your mind, one after another the story he’s being so desperately trying to tell you is now being laid out in front of you, a story book for you to read and decipher. You feel a slight weight being lifted off your shoulders as you realise this is a cry for help, a step to helping your boyfriend, your Calum, get better.

You lean down to hold him as close as you can, your cheek resting on his sapphire hair, “I understand Calum, I understand.”

He starts to cry again, you think these are relief tears at finally being able to show how he feels, so that now we can finally work together to make him better, to bring back the old Calum, to make him feel whole again.

_I understand._


End file.
